When Words Of Comfort Don’t Seem To Be Enough

Just some thoughts on this dreary, cold day.

It is hard when loved ones die from disease or old age. It is horrible when loved ones die from an accident. It is devastating when loved ones are killed by others.   Those left behind always seem to have a feeling of guilt, but that’s mainly from being helpless. I’ve said on this blog many times that death does not discriminate. It doesn’t care about age, gender, or the color of skin.   Money might buy medical care to extend life, but it cannot bribe death when the time comes.  That sense of helplessness runs deep.

When loved ones are killed, people look to the justice system. The only comfort that comes from that is the sense of juries and judges acknowledging right from wrong. However, what juries hear and see is painted by their own hearts and minds.  People are not computers programmed to process data without bias.

There are times when there are no words sufficient in bringing comfort to the hurting, to those who have lost loved ones, the ill, the tired. There are times when I feel that there must be more – something I can do, and not merely say. If I had the power of resurrection, I would walk through the hospitals, the morgue, the graveyards, calling out names and saying, “Come forth.”

Today, because I feel that there are no words sufficient to directly comfort the living, I will address their loved ones who have gone on.

Trayvon Martin 1

Trayvon Martin

Trayvon Martin. What can I say? You came to me in a dream which gave me confirmation to come to the internet in or around May 2012. The rest, as they say, is history. You rallied a nation and other countries to open our eyes to the hearts and minds of people who don’t like equality for all, and brought together many who believe and continue to advocate for equality for all.

John Wrana

John Wrana

John Wrana, how I hurt for you. You should have died in dignity and not been killed with bean bags. Had I known you personally and worked at the assisted living center where you lived, I would have loved to engage you in conversation about your military experience. I can only imagine the almost century worth of experiences and wisdom you had to share.


Kristiana Coignard

Kristiana Coignard, if I only knew you and what you were going through, to be that ear and shoulder so you would have not have committed suicide by cop.




James Anderson

James Craig Anderson, you didn’t have a chance defending yourself against a gang of youths. You had no chance defending yourself against a truck. You didn’t get to say good-bye to your partner and family. I didn’t know you personally but yet your memory lives in my heart.



Casey Kressin

Casey Kressin, I wish that you had made it to the hospital and not died of an asthma attack on the side of the road in the cold while asking for help while a cop questioned your girlfriend.





Tamir Rice


Andy Lopez

Tamir Rice and Andy Lopez, I am sorry that you were so young with no idea of how adults are at times unable to judge play from danger. I am sorry that you didn’t know why you were shot and died without being able to tell your family what you did and didn’t do. Tamir, I am sorry that your mom and sister were physically restrained from comforting you as you bled on the ground.


jordan-davis 5

Jordan Davis

Jordan Davis, I look at your photo and like your mom, see that “big toothy smile” that she so misses.  Your mom and dad seem so strong, but strength means that love and hurt are just as strong.  Still waters run deep.





John Crawford

John Crawford, there are no words to express the horror for why an individual would call-in a false report to the police that resulted in your death. It should make us all concerned about shopping in the toy section or shopping at all.





Misty Holt-Singh

Misty Holt-Singh, like John Crawford, you were minding your own business on the day you were killed. You didn’t ask to be taken hostage by bank robbers, and law enforcement did not bother to ask if your life without a bullet proof vest was as valuable as their own when they opened fire on the vehicle in which you were held against your will.  You were not killed by the kidnapper/robbers, but by 10 bullets from the firearms of the police. My heart cries.



nathan andrew clark

Nathan Andrew Clark

Nathan Andrew Clark. Who would have thought that going out of town to compete in soccer game would result in you being shot and killed in a motel room by a man who shot through the wall? Convicted felons are not suppose to have guns. Those things are not suppose to happen.





Patricia Cook

Patricia Cook, what can I say? At least the physical evidence contradicted the story of your murderer and he was convicted, but that doesn’t bring you back. At 54-years old, you had experiences and wisdom to pass on that should not have been taken from you by 5 bullets from the gun of a man who was deputized to serve and protect you.



Michael Brown, Jr.

Michael Brown

Michael Brown. I don’t care what you did or didn’t do in that convenience store. Neither do I care what happened between you and Darren Wilson at his vehicle. What stays on my mind is that you ran and you ran after first being shot at Wilson’s vehicle. At that moment, you were no threat to Wilson. Retaliation for something you did and ran from is not what law enforcement is deputized to perform. Common-law , sovereign citizen style is becoming too common in the United States. When law enforcement uses it, we are no longer a nation of laws.

Ethan Saylor

Ethan Saylor

Ethan Saylor. Since I heard of the way that you died, you come to my thoughts often. There have been discussions about law enforcement being better trained to deal with mentally ill citizens. That does not resolve how they could recognize that you were Down Syndrome, and rather than waiting a few minutes for your mom to arrive, decided to use force on you so excessive that it broke your larynx. I am so sorry that you died not understanding what was happening to you. You were trying to do the right thing. I am so sorry that those 3 deputies didn’t place importance to your life.   Maybe one day they or someone in their family will have a Down Syndrome child.

So many others not named here, but not forgotten.

I leave you today with the following words song by U2;

“One heart. One love. We’ve got to carry each other. “

Posted on 02/16/2015, in Andy Lopez, Cassey Kressin, Ethan Saylor, James Craig Anderson, John Crawford III, John Wrana, Jordan Davis, Michael Brown - Ferguson, Misty Holt-Singh, Patricia Cook, Potpourri and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. Thanks. So many of us in the communities have no way to reach out, but we also grieve for lives lost, lives wasted, lives stolen. G-d bless — Anna H Petrov, RDN


  2. yahtzeebutterfly

    So deep and caring.

    May God bless you, Xena.


  3. Beautiful and fitting tribute.


  4. I feel your pain in the description of the deaths of these human beings. Lives taken by those on power trips, with poor training, who had no business at all dealing with the public on a daily basis, while armed with killing machines.

    Thank you for the work you’ve done for us here. A labor of love straight from your heart.


  5. yahtzeebutterfly

    You know, there IS power in remembering, in keeping close to the heart, in communing through spirit, in lighting a memorial candle. A power stronger than anything a court of justice can deliver!

    Living on in the hearts of their loved ones. Living on in the hearts of their advocates. Living on in memory. Living on through a legacy leading change. Living on in history. This is powerful!

    Living on and bringing the hearts of many parents and of advocates together….bringing together and to life a community of caring individuals….bringing out the supportive love by advocates for the loved ones left behind.


  6. yeseventhistoowillpass

    The Misty Singh thing was a travesty. The cops didn’t know who shot her? Unbelievable…


    • yahtzeebutterfly

      My heart aches for her as I consider the absolute terror she experienced and then to be killed by the bullets fired by the police….horrific!


    • Juan,
      Just imagine going about your business and ending up in the midst of a bank robbery. One would think that if they are going to be harmed, it would be by the robbers and not by those who are suppose to save hostages.


  7. Awesome……….I forgot about a few of these victims. So sad that any of these people are gone in the way it happens. And justice evaded in far to many cases is just as bad.

    It will be 3 years for me in March commenting and seeking justice via petitions and the internet.

    I’m setting aside a prayer time this Wed evening with some friends and again on 2/26. Maybe on the 26th we can all have another internet memorial here.


    • yahtzeebutterfly

      Hi racer, I, too, started commenting March 2012. I will be lighting a candle for Trayvon on 2/26.


    • Remember Kelly Thomas; Jonathan Ferrell; Renisha McBride; Ronald Westbrook; Hunter Pedersen; Kendrick Johnson, school victims and victims of Elliot Rodger. One is one too many.


  8. chuquestaquenumber1

    Hello .Even if you believe you can’t say the correct ,right words to comfort a grieving person or families.Know that your thoughts and sincere efforts count.


  9. yahtzeebutterfly

    Yes, Xena:

    “One heart. One love. We’ve got to carry each other.”

    Just the right song for you to post at the conclusion of your article. 🙂


  10. I just finished watching an HBO documentary showing people from all over the world being sworn in as naturalized citizens. They were all very emotional and extremely happy about it. They spoke about the lives they left in their respective countries which were much less than satisfying. I became emotional with them; thinking how lucky we are to have been born here and we can live our lives in relative peace with all the comforts we take for granted.

    Then I happened opened your post. There was no peace or happiness or lucky circumstances for all these unfortunates listed above. It all happened in a country that people would (and do) give their lives to enter from repressive countries. The stark difference – reality – is mind boggling.


    • Well Sunshine, that is what disappoints us and makes us work harder to see the words of our pledge of allegiance be true for everyone, everyday. I think of countries that do not allow women to drive; countries that have no public education; etc., and compared to the freedoms we have in the United States we love our country. Then, I remember that none of those freedoms for women, Native Americans, descendents of slaves, or even immigrants, came without struggle.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I apologize for my absence. Just when I thought I would feel better physically, a sinus infection decided to pay me a visit. In a few, I plan to take the longest bubble bath on record.

    Thanks to everyone for their comments.


  12. yahtzeebutterfly

    Xena, I have been trying to understand my feelings….why somehow, some way…your words to those… gone too soon… brought about an emotional release for me.

    I have felt my heart becoming heavier and heavier with each new loss of a life. There is heartache and I have hurt for all of the innocent victims of killings. I have felt powerless as I have watched so many cases where the victims have not received justice…there have been so many.

    Somehow, when you spoke with such supportive understanding to each dear victim, you brought them alive in spirit to let them know that you understood their innocence and you embraced them with your words. Yours were words of comfort and warmth.

    And, somehow, I have been affected as you expressed much of what I have been thinking/feeling/worrying for each of the victims.


    • yahtzeebutterfly

      “brought them alive in spirit” should read brought their spirits together”


    • Yahtzeebutterfly,
      Either way is okay. I do believe that the spirit is eternal and that the mind that is spiritual lives on as well with the creator of spirit.

      You are such a dear.


      • yahtzeebutterfly

        I share your beliefs.

        You know, I have hopes, dreams, wishes, and imaginings.

        Sometimes I like to imagine them or word them in glorious language.

        I desire to imagine so many of them coming back in wondrous, spiritual ways….with healed, comforted souls.

        Coming back in bell tones of freedom
        Freedom from harm
        Freedom from hate
        Freedom from injustice
        Freedom from fear
        Freedom from racism

        Coming back in sunbeams
        That shine down hope upon us
        That fill hearts with love
        That create warm communities
        That bring glowing blessings
        That illuminate possibilities

        Coming back in melodies
        Of love
        Of kindness
        Of brother/sisterhood
        Of caring
        Of joy

        So that we will be strengthened
        With that freedom, those sunbeams and melodies
        To go out and create a better world.

        (I guess I am still a:


  13. Reblogged this on IdealisticRebel's Daily View of Favorites and commented:
    Well said. You have it exactly. Hugs, Barbara


  14. It’s sad when People accuse a kid for their own death! But the grown up take no responsibility? I get mad at the mere thought of that and it’s personal!


  15. Someday the world will be as one!


    • Hey Laurie. Welcome to Blackbutterfly7 and thanks for the comment. We continue to hope and set a good example.


    • yahtzeebutterfly

      “Someday the world will be as one!”

      So beautiful, Laurie…and the more people who believe and hope for this, the closer the reality will become.

      Every smile, every act of kindness, every positive thought does ripple out and does touch the world.


  16. Hi! I have created a new Award: Power of Words Award, and you are one of the first ever nominees! Thank you for all you do help make the world a better place with your words. Please accept your award here: http://idealisticrebel.com/2015/02/19/the-power-of-words-award/


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